A tear came to her eye. We’d struck a chord. I sat across from my coaching client waiting patiently for her to process this BIG gem. She’s a successful supervisor on her way to becoming a senior manager. And as we talked about the kind of leader she wants to be, she passionately described her father. He’s a great leader. She wants to emulate his example.

So why the tear?

Her BIG gem realization – - I will never be a leader just like my Dad. Because I’m me. I do have many of his great skills, and some from my Mom, and others I’ve built on my own. But I can’t aspire to be HIM as a leader. To really shine I need to understand what my unique strength is. And I need to grow my confidence in THAT. Then I will be able to shine in tough conversations as brightly as I shine in comfy ones.

This amazing woman (we’ll call her Cynthia to maintain her privacy) has been putting such tremendous pressure on herself to be THAT leader. And in the process, she’s not given herself credit for the remarkable skills she’s developed.  

So I told her, take the pressure off! You don’t have to be a leader just like your Dad. You are a tremendous leader in your own right.

In his book “Go, Put your Strengths to Work”, Marcus Buckingham states that, as we grow and develop we become more of who we’ve always been. So who have you always been Cynthia? Let’s get clear on that authentic woman? And now imagine what you might sound like, feel like, and act like a few years from now when you are at your most confident. That vision is worth aspiring to: that brilliant “future Cynthia”. She is a GREAT leader!  She encapsulates all that is unique about you. She is the person that will make a difference.

If, like Cynthia you are aspiring to be a great leader (heck, even if you’re simply aspiring to be a great woman or man) think about the people you admire. What specifically do you admire in them?

I bet you have some of those strengths within you already. Perhaps it’s not as developed or polished. But it’s there. Reflecting on who I admire is a terrific way to start pinpointing the traits that already make up unique me. If I can make a mental collage of those people, I start to get a glimpse at my own unique make-up. And it’s that unique collection of gifts and interests that we need to grow.

May Cynthia’s BIG gem inspire your own! Have a conversation with a friend or coach…or meditate or pray about who you are. Who you have always been. Grow that and feel the confidence that flows from it. The confidence that will help you focus and act.

And please join the conversation by posting your comments below: we want to hear about your journey!